England players dropping like flies

Kyle Walker and Harry Maguire have been ruled out of England’s friendly with Belgium on Tuesday.

Walker was injured in the first half of Saturday’s 1-0 defeat by Brazil at Wembley, while Maguire, who replaced Walker as captain when he was substituted, came off in the 67th minute.

Bayern Munich striker Harry Kane and Arsenal winger Bukayo Saka have already been ruled out, as the ‘club before country’ tactics appear to be in effect once again.

We expect miraculous recoveries for all by next week.